SA IRAQ

Back home, the only way I had an impression of Iraq was during my nearly catatonic moments, while I relaxed on the sofa watching a live-news feed from CNN or Fox News. Usually the TV news trumpeted the latest activities of the armed insurgents, counting casualties from suicide bombs and improvised explosive devises or listing the most recent battle deaths of coalition soldiers. The news always sent a clear, crisp, and vivid message to me: volunteering to work in Iraq would almost be volunteering for suicide. Thus, I have asked myself many times, “Who in his right state of mind would want to visit Iraq, let alone work there?”

Now, I’m here, in Iraq, working as an admin assistant for construction projects. Still I ask myself questions: Am I in my right state of mind? Am I committing suicide? Maybe yes, maybe no, I just don’t know. I don’t have ready answers to these tough questions, but I am still along for an exciting ride.

Maybe I’m here because I’m trying to prove something, trying to make a point. Maybe I’m here to test my courage, to find my limitations and, more importantly my own possibilities. Maybe I want a better life for my family, and broader horizons for me. Maybe I’m just having an unusual adventure, having the time of my life. Maybe I’m losing it, and succumbing to mental oblivion, and a series of other maybes.

Yes, it bothers me being here. Unstated anxieties build up uncertainties in my mind, but I try not to be overly philosophical about things. Anyway, philosophy is not concerned with practical answers to the questions that face me every day. One thing I’m certain about; I’m here to earn a decent living, like other foreigners. I’m hoping that isn’t the only crazy result.
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